I really think I am starting to get a bit annoyed with Thanksgiving.
Mind you, I am thankful for many things and for the life that I have
(although my expression of this thanks seemed to be lost with the family
this year…. we do a ‘round robin’ of what you are thankful for; I
stated I was thankful for being able to still run a 5K under 30
minutes…. no one understand why that was important… guess being a
stallion having had cancer and still performing as such amongst a family
of mules doesn’t make sense to the mules… or they’re just jealous!).
But, I’m annoyed with Thanksgiving because people say they are thankful for many things, but they don’t really mean it. I mean, like I said, I am thankful for my running abilities. After over 72 sessions of mid -high dose chemo I should not be able to theoretically walk a mile without stress, let alone run 3.1 faster than most ‘healthy’ people, but I can! People never acknowledge the things in life that they really need! My family mostly said they were thankful for family, but not many of them take the time throughout the year to appreciate family.
By that, I mean, how many phone calls are made to 2nd cousins, or grand aunts just to say ‘hi’? How many visits are made to relatives ‘too far to drive to’? My first bout of cancer in Korea I had one extreme phone call from an aunt (who reached me in a very non-English speaking Korean hospital) and a visit from my mother. But how many people sucked up the phone charges to call and ask ‘how are you’? (another aunt did call, but after receiving a $50 + phone bill, I told her to stick to email!)
My main point is that Thanksgiving has become yet another phase of American life; celebrate the holiday because that’s what you’re supposed to do. This year I went to my hometown feeling like absolute crap, having been so bed sick a couple of days earlier I couldn’t go see my youngest brother on a day trip. Yet, I sucked it up to go do the holiday and see the majority of my family to show them that I was thankful for them. Not to sit in a circle and say ‘I’m thankful for you’ (which I am, but saying I was thankful for my running was, what I thought was implied, as saying I’m thankful that after all that chemo my body is strong enough to do something superficial as run, which means it is also strong enough to make a way to be with family and that I am thankful for the physical ability to do what ever for them… guess nuance is another weak point with my lineage).
I don’t mean to offend anyone, but I do mean to challenge them to step up and reevaluate their understanding of Thanksgiving and why we all spend energy, money and time to convene in Fayetteville or Gastonia or Chesapeake once a year to do this ritual that has seemingly become so damn trivial.
Just once I want my family to speak, honestly and tell the world what they REALLY are thankful for, without fear of thinking someone will judge what they have to say; “I’m thankful for my brand new car” (because my new car shows that I am healthy and strong and successful in my career and am making a future for my family) or “I’m thankful for my college scholarship” (because the scholarship I have now means my mother & father will be able to save more money for a fruitful & relaxing retirement and we will all have much more meaningful years together as a family in the future).
Spare me the shallow crap show… almost 10 years of chemo treatments and recurring worries make me a little impatient for Thanksgiving show…
But, I’m annoyed with Thanksgiving because people say they are thankful for many things, but they don’t really mean it. I mean, like I said, I am thankful for my running abilities. After over 72 sessions of mid -high dose chemo I should not be able to theoretically walk a mile without stress, let alone run 3.1 faster than most ‘healthy’ people, but I can! People never acknowledge the things in life that they really need! My family mostly said they were thankful for family, but not many of them take the time throughout the year to appreciate family.
By that, I mean, how many phone calls are made to 2nd cousins, or grand aunts just to say ‘hi’? How many visits are made to relatives ‘too far to drive to’? My first bout of cancer in Korea I had one extreme phone call from an aunt (who reached me in a very non-English speaking Korean hospital) and a visit from my mother. But how many people sucked up the phone charges to call and ask ‘how are you’? (another aunt did call, but after receiving a $50 + phone bill, I told her to stick to email!)
My main point is that Thanksgiving has become yet another phase of American life; celebrate the holiday because that’s what you’re supposed to do. This year I went to my hometown feeling like absolute crap, having been so bed sick a couple of days earlier I couldn’t go see my youngest brother on a day trip. Yet, I sucked it up to go do the holiday and see the majority of my family to show them that I was thankful for them. Not to sit in a circle and say ‘I’m thankful for you’ (which I am, but saying I was thankful for my running was, what I thought was implied, as saying I’m thankful that after all that chemo my body is strong enough to do something superficial as run, which means it is also strong enough to make a way to be with family and that I am thankful for the physical ability to do what ever for them… guess nuance is another weak point with my lineage).
I don’t mean to offend anyone, but I do mean to challenge them to step up and reevaluate their understanding of Thanksgiving and why we all spend energy, money and time to convene in Fayetteville or Gastonia or Chesapeake once a year to do this ritual that has seemingly become so damn trivial.
Just once I want my family to speak, honestly and tell the world what they REALLY are thankful for, without fear of thinking someone will judge what they have to say; “I’m thankful for my brand new car” (because my new car shows that I am healthy and strong and successful in my career and am making a future for my family) or “I’m thankful for my college scholarship” (because the scholarship I have now means my mother & father will be able to save more money for a fruitful & relaxing retirement and we will all have much more meaningful years together as a family in the future).
Spare me the shallow crap show… almost 10 years of chemo treatments and recurring worries make me a little impatient for Thanksgiving show…
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